August 3, 2011

As Sweet as his Smile is

There is a little boy in my preschool who's blonde hair swishes over his grey eyes whenever he moves- as cute as a three year old can be. As sweet as his smile is, there is a deep hurt no one can touch except God himself. He lashes out at his peers, pitches fits, tests his teacher's patience and can barely close his eyes during nap time without moving uncontrollably. Another little boy asks him to play and he lashes out with deep pain and whimpers, screeching..." don't talk to me, please don't talk to me!"

I've learned that this little boys mother died of brain cancer last week. I literally heard my heart give a little throb and thud to the ground ). I see him on the playground crying and begging for mommy and daddy. The teacher hugs him and asks him questions, prays with him and over him, giving him more hugs in between sniffles. It was time for my morning break and as I leave the playground clasping the gate behind me I clench my fists and grind my teeth trying not to cry over what I had just witnessed. Confusion, hurt and anger from what I have no direct experience or right to even talk about. The first experience I had with death was the death of a church family friend whom I spent time with for a several months going to Disney land and listening to Frank Sinatra records. She was happily married, two kids my age and a godly woman beyond belief. I cried for days and was confused as to how someone could be here one minute and then gone in an instant. I tried to remind myself not to mourn but to be joyous, for my sweet friend Tammy was now in the arms of Jesus and could no longer feel pain. But it hadn't become real to me and I still didn't grasp it. I was 19. He is 3. My heart breaks for his family and especially his dad. I can't imagine trying to comfort my 3 year old son and trying my best to answer why mommy isn't here and where she is.

Thankfully, we work in a Christian environment and we can openly talk about Jesus and heaven. I've only been studying child development for 2 months- I know absolutely nothing on how to deal with this issue. My heart is so heavy for this child and I can't help but hope he is constantly in prayer and constantly being adored. What kills me is that I know he is smart enough to see that all the teachers say hi to him in a different way even when they try not to. I know he knows his mom is in heaven but doesn't know how to communicate his feelings or aggressions. I'm praying that God will protect his family and bring peace and comfort into his little heart. We take advantage of so many things in our lives. We thank God for so many things...but do we really thank Him? We were put on this earth to glorify and praise Him. Let's do that. Life is short. Let's be thankful and bless those around us who are in pain. God bless this child.

John 14:27
I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give
is not fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.


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