April 11, 2011

Shade of Gray

Stephen here. Today I woke up from my sleep feeling a sense of grayness shrouding me. It had to do with yesterday night and the conversation that I had with Danica about our future and the many uncertainties that still lay ahead of us, which I mind you is never a good thing to talk about when you are tired.

First of all I love Danica more than anything in this world. I love the woman that she is and the woman that she has become since we've been together for the last year. We've shared so many momentous occasions together and have seen God open many doors that we thought would take a miracle to open. We've been through our handful of struggles that couples deal with in any relationship and have been able to work them out before the day is over. It has been God's ultimate blessing in my life that he gave me such an amazing woman, really...it has.

Despite the many blessings that have been bestowed upon us in our relationship, we still have a lot to accomplish before we get married next year. A few days ago when I was talking to Danica on the phone I told her that if we got married now with the present jobs that we both had, we would be literally be living paycheck to paycheck at the start of our marriage and not have any room for much else beyond that. It's one of those realities that I really do not want to think about, which is why before we get married I am desperately trying to find a better job so that we don't have to live like that. The only problem that I'm facing though is that not jobs are hard to come by and there really is much that is better out there at the moment. How can you expect to find something better when the country you live in is trying to solve a multi-trillion dollar deficit or when people are getting laid-off from their jobs left and right? There seems to be no hope for the future of this ailing country. Right now is the worst time for anybody to get married. Though we try to realize that God is sovereign and he will provide for our needs, it's hard to sit here and wonder how that will happen.

Danica told me yesterday that she will not be getting her hopes up for the future since it looks like a tough road ahead of us. When she told me this I was happy, but yet I was also saddened at the same time. The way I picture our future household looking is for me to be the main income provider for the family and for her to not need to work. I'm old fashioned you could say. I understand that it is quite common for married women to work in today's society since that seems to be the norm, but I believe that should be optional and a choice for Danica. She told me that reality of her not having to work seems like a fairytale at this point. Who knows, she might be right. Maybe the world is changing and we cannot live by the ways of the olden days.

I'm hoping that I can kick this bucket soon and get this shade of gray out of my head. Maybe a nice little adventure today with Danica will help solve the problem.


  1. these trials put us in a place where we have no choice but to surrender our desires fully at the foot of our sovereign Lord and admit we have no idea what or how this will all come about. BUT I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT MY GOD LOVES ME. And if He could die for me what more would He do to protect and provide for me and my husband despite how it differs from our preferred vision. Thankfully although HIS WAY ARE NOT OUR OWN they are ALWAYS best. YOU guys are going to be so blessed in just being obedient to the little things He is asking. HE will provide and He will direct your ways. Just leave it at the cross :)!...

    IT is always so amazing to see the guys perspective... It is so great to know that my friend and sister has a GODLY man in her life wanting the Lords will to play out in both your lives. He will reward your faith and obedience brother!

    psalm 30:5 ​​For His anger is but for a moment,
    ​​His favor is for life;
    ​​Weeping may endure for a night,
    ​​But joy comes in the morning.

  2. It's amazing how God does take care of us. Maybe it's part of your experiences you need to have to live pay check to pay check for a little while. Who knows? All I know is that if we're living the way we should God will always take care of us. Right now I make more than my husband does, and even though he wants to be the main provider, right now it makes sense for him to work in school so in the future he can be the provider. So sometimes you just have to make things work, even if it's not what you imagined.

  3. Hi Steve. Hang in there! Aaron and I lived paycheck to paycheck when we got married. I worked and put him through graduate school and we didn't have any extra money really at all. I think that's what "newlywed" usually means! In fact, for our first three months of marriage, neither of us were employed at all! Just wanted to give you a little bit of a different perspective. Not that you should jump into anything you feel uncomfortable with, but starting out with a nice nest egg and your dream condo definitely isn't necessary for a happy marriage! :) We had a great time those first two years, living simply and enjoying being married. :)Instead of going to movies, we went on hikes. We ate at home. We lived in a moldy apartment. LOL! And we had a blast.

    Love you, my brother!

  4. Thank you so much for your encouraging comments. I've read them to Stephen and he is greatly appreciative of your kind words. It really is wonderful to have such wonderful people on blogspot. Thank you girls! :)