January 17, 2011

Do All Men Cheat?




"These headlines are recent but men who cheat aren’t new news. For many years, I struggled with an intense fear that my husband would cheat. That fear was reinforced by a dad who cheated and tales of infidelity even among my Christian brothers and sisters.

Fear left unchecked can wreak all kinds of havoc on our hearts and lives. In my case, the fear that my man was destined to stray led me to be clingy, accusatory, anxious, and worried.

During that season I kept stumbling across verses like Romans 8:15 which states, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear but you received the Spirit of sonship” and 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” These verses made me want to deal with the fear that was gripping my heart (and my marriage), but I didn’t know how. The fear that my husband would cheat wasn’t something that I could just talk myself out of. It’s a fear that didn’t unravel until God started exposing the lies rooted to my fear.

I realized that my fear was based, in part, in the lie that all men cheat. The media portrays men as unable to control their sexual appetite. I just assumed that if given the opportunity, my man would cheat out of an inability to control himself. This lie has dangerous ramifications far beyond a fearful heart.

The truth is that men are no more carnal than we are.


Titus 2:11-13 says, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Girls, we don’t have the market cornered on self-control. The same Spirit that is at work in our hearts is at work in the lives of the believing men around us. Men aren’t the animals we see them portrayed as on T.V. and the big screen. They aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean that the entire gender is destined to ditch their marriage vows.

Sometimes I think we see ourselves as more spiritual than our male counterparts. The Truth is the Holy Spirit lives in men who know Jesus as vibrantly as He lives in our own hearts. Men aren’t given an extra dose of the sin nature any more than we have been given an extra helping of self-control.

Is your man doing his best to live out his faith in Jesus? Has his love for you and commitment to your marriage kept him faithful? Don’t wait in anticipation for the moment he will fail. Thank him for serving God by faithfully loving you."

As you know from blog posts from the past year...I was very insecure and I couldn't seem to pinpoint how to escape my insecurity from society/media. I have the most trustworthy man on this earth and although he had shown me no signs whatsoever of looking at other women or indulging in worldly media....I would flip every time my insecurity got triggered. I had fear that he was too good to be true and that he would inevitably cheat on me or do something horrible. Like this woman from the article...I thought all men were designed to be sexual beasts who can't control themselves. I thought every guy viewed those images in the media to be "beautiful and desirable " But boy was I wrong. There are amazing Christian men out there. Godly men. Who actually turn their heads in that awkward movie seen and don't go for that second look at the girl in the mall. Men who know what true beauty is because they themselves know through Jesus Christ. There are men out there who love their wives unconditionally. They are out there and I was so silly to let my heart be replaced by fear. Insecurity, the feeling he'll cheat...it is nothing but not trusting God and letting yourself side with the Devil. I have done a lot of spiritually healing when it comes to not comparing myself to women in the media but this article really lifted me up regardless.
( Article taken from True Woman )

P.S Hope you were blessed by this post...I was surely blessed by it. Hope you all have a good day. :)

4 comments:

  1. I really appreciated reading this. This is an issue I have recently been concerned about in my relationship with my boyfriend. Granted, we're not married and it's still very new for both of us, I had some insecurities. No matter how many times we would discuss these things, I still would feel that tiny bit of doubt and that maybe it was too much for me to handle. Instead of being anxious all the time, I just need to trust that God will be in control. He won't give me anything I can't handle. Trust is so essential in any relationship. So thanks for sharing this! :)

    --Jennifer

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  2. Here's a question though. God forbid, what would you do if cheating ever did occur? How should we deal with it? Granted, cheating would cause a detrimental scar on a relationship that may never fully heal, but shouldn't we as Christians treat it just like any other sin? Would you be willing to forgive Steve if he ever did cheat on you?

    I think that's something every man and woman should ask themselves before getting married. No one should ever consider cheating, but consider what you would and should do if it ever happened. Above all, it's about commitment, and a holy vow to stay together no matter what.

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  3. Jennifer-I have felt the same way and you just have to practice telling yourself that those feelings aren't from him. Whenever I would start to feel myself think negatively or imagine something that isn't true I would say , "I rebuke you in the name of Christ." over and over and over again. Christ can heal anything and I never thought I"d come to this much healing and understanding about my relationships or my insecurity before, ever. :) It takes a lot of prayer, understanding of yourself and patience.

    Anonymous- ( Not because I don't like your comments but I have disabled anonymous comments only because the curosity kills me and I can't stand to talk to with someone whom I have no idea who it is. Sorry. :(
    But to answer your question:I know my first reaction is to cancel our engagement immediately! How dare he cheat on me when I have been faithful to him. I would be utterly devastated and confused. I actually feel nauseous even thinking about it. BUT, I know I would deal with it by seeking Jesus. First hand. Even if he wanted to seek healing and he was sincerely remorseful....I don't know if I would take him back right away. But I'm sure if it is in God's will I could manage to heal the relationship. I always said I would divorce my husband if he cheated on me. I have always taken cheating or lusting after someone VERY offensive and totally over board. But after hearing about how a lot of people have sought marriage counseling and the healing of Christ; I can sit here and say that God forbid if Steve ever cheated on me....I would take him back and try and work things out. As much as that pains me...I love him too much to let him go. Steve and I have talked about it and it is very unlikely that we would cheat based on our character,personality and spirituality BUT...we both agree that if something like that ever DID occur...we would probably want to seek counseling over time. :)

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