August 29, 2010

To Danica From Stephen

A letter I wrote when I thought I lost her.


Dearest Danica,
I don't know what happened last night or why it happened. I could go on trying to defend myself and reason but that would be selfish of me. Instead I'd rather talk about happy things that are true to my heart. If there is one thing that I know that is true to my heart is my love for you. Everything that has happened to us has happened because of God's goodness and rewarding us with each other over the past 5 months so far.
I remember the first day I saw you, you caught my eye. Before ever meeting you I knew there was something special about you. It wasn't just your beauty on the outside it was much more than that. I didn't know what it was at first so after leaving that room that one day I was left in total mystery what this feeling inside of me was. It wasn't until the first day that I officially met you that I discovered my purpose at that time, and that was to get to know you on a personal level. I did what ever it took to attempt this. Since I was a rather shy guy I was scared to talk to you, which is why I seized the opportunity to write you a letter which you were looking for people to write to. I found out so much from your first letter about you. It made me realize that we had some of the same goals in life, like moving to Washington and finding a home church at Voyagers.
It was after this that I started to suspect that maybe something was starting to happen in my life. Perhaps God was bringing you into my life. I didn't know it for sure at the time, but as the next month went on the answer became clear to me through all the phone calls and text messages back and forth to one another. When we had lunch together I realized then and there that I wanted to pursue this girl. Sure enough when the next week came around when we went on our first date to Huntington Beach Pier. It was a very special night for the both of us and I will never forget it because it started our relationship. I couldn't have been more happy at the time knowing I was with a person whom God put me with and it really sent fireworks exploding in my mind in excitement. during this joyous occasion.
Over the next month of our relationship saw our love for one another grow stronger than ever. It was two weeks into the relationship that I admitted to you that you were the one, because that was on my heart, and still is on my heart. From there on we talked about marriage and led us to get the ring to symbolize our seriousness in one another. I also can't forget the night that I admitted my love to you at Carona Del Mar. I was a stupid idiot and should have done it sooner since it was on my heart most of the first month, not to mention that I should have written the date on the card ai handed to you that night. Yea, call me an idiot.
I also will never forget the amazing trip we made up to San Francisco and how much fun we had up there. I couldn't wait to introduce you to my family because I wanted them to meet this amazing woman that I was going to marry someday. It couldn't have worked out any better because my whole family thought you were wonderful and I was jumping for joy inside because they loved you. When our families met during the first month of July we all had a fun fill time of fellowship that I will never forget.
All of this to say is that we have everything going for us. God has really blessed our relationship and everything has worked out as well. This has ,made me realize more than ever that God has a plan to fulfill our needs at some point. He had put in my heart the desire to get married and sure enough He brought you into my life. I could not be happier.
I love you Danica. I always have and always will. I know I've told you this many times but you are a woman of such rare beauty. You are beautiful all around and I mean the from the heart. The way you smile at me comforts me more than you will ever know. You have a way about you that sends me through the roof. You have no idea.
God has made you for me. I know that this is still the case because my heart still says this. I am loyal, devoted and committed to you and will always be. I have no doubt in my mind that our marriage will work just fine in every department. My passion for you runs so high that I have no doubt in my mind that we are going to have our own kind of love the way we want it. I have never known anything else, nor do I want to know anything else but you. I messed up. I was frustrated and instead of uplifting you about your insecurities I played with them and completely shattered you. For that I am so sorry and repulsed by my actions. The thought of ever hurting you that way makes me ashamed of myself as a boyfriend/future husband. I will never put you through that again. I'm a stupid man that has made stupid mistakes. This mistake was very costly, but I don't want to lose what is most dear to me, and that is you.
I love you Danica. You mean the world to me. I want to do so bad everything that we have talked about doing together. I want to have a baby Nico and Haydee Beth with you. I know you are going to make a great mother to my children and be my life long companion and friend.
I want to be the husband that takes care of you and fulfills your every need for the rest of my life. I know that your encouragement , care, boldness and compassion has made me a better man in our relationship, which means that there is no doubt in my mind that you will not make a great wife someday...as well as make me a better husband and father to our children. I love you Danica and always will until the day that I die.

Love you always,
Stephen Douglas Pardini

8-28-2010

August 28, 2010

Full figured women, can I get an amen?

This might be somewhat of an awkward post but I really love Peter Paul Ruben's paintings. Honestly, this is what my body looks like. Seriously. Nothing at all what "sexy" is in our culture today but I really wish people would stop buying into the movie physique. I pray for God to not let me get caught up in culture but more times than I'd like...I loose control and start wishing my body looked like women in the movies today. I'm sure Stephen would be satisfied once we get married but a part of me still wonders if he would prefer me to loose weight once he see's me naked. I honestly doubt that...but then again, I'm insecure and obviously I'm going to be self conscious about him seeing me fully nude ( But who knows...I don't know what it's like to be married so maybe once I am it will be different and I won't be ashamed of my body ) I start to get won over by thinking I'm only valuable as I am sensual which is such a lie! I don't know why the media has taught us overtime that rail thin women with and/or surgically lifted or enhanced knockers are more attractive. But I honestly think some men now a days are realizing what lasts longer...full figured women! If you look at the middle picture the man in the painting looks like what we would consider an attractive man today...muscular, tall, tan etc. We have the same perception of men for the past 500 years but why has the perception of women changed so drastically? Fuller arms, thighs and a much rounder tummy. Sometimes I hate my flabby round body but these paintings sure make me feel better. Knowing that at one time...these women were considered to be sexy, irresistible goddesses. For the love of God can someone bring this image back!? If I wasn't only 5'5 you can bet a million dollars I would be a plus size model and be working it. Can I get an amen?


August 25, 2010

it's too gloomy to think of a decent post title

It's gloomy and hot. And after what happened yesterday...not the best type of weather.

Stephen didn't get the job yesterday. There was a lot of crying, drama, hugging and yawning. Emotions were high and sleep was little but we got through it. It's a little bit more than just not getting the job...but we are seeking Christ's comfort and strength and we are hoping this season will be over soon. I think once we make it into September things might start looking up again. I'm just hoping that with all the stress and disappointment...his Crohn's doesn't come back.

"Blessed be Your name, when I'm found in the desert place. Though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be Your name. "

Although things aren't so good right now...I will continue to praise because I know He will deliver Stephen and I soon. I will still give praise because I know He is in control and he is sovereign above all.


August 20, 2010

a disappointed season

Please note, this is a rant and a negative one at that. Please don't feel the need to comment or feel sorry for me. I just need to let it all out. Thanks, and have a good weekend.

Stephen is never going to finish writing the "How We Met" post. I'm deleting it because I hate seeing it on my draft list and knowing that he won't do it even if I bug him makes me sad. We've been so busy and we are both on edge. Our 5 month anniversary is on Sunday and I won't have his present on time. I don't know if Stephen has anything planned but even if he did I doubt we'd have time on account of tomorrow is full and Sunday is all church stuff. ( Not to mention we are both exhausted from this week full of crazy work hours, back to school and transitioning to busy life. )
I know my weekend is going to go at warp speed so I'm planning on hibernating until Monday morning and pretend like it never happened. I know there will be plenty of anniversary's to come...I guess we can just skip August of 2010. I never liked summer that much anyways.
Lucy is not doing well: She's snapped at my parents and me this week. We don't know why but she's also not doing very well with other family members or children. Mom is threatening to give her away if she doesn't stop.
I found out I graduate way later than I thought and since I lost my pre registration date for State Board ( read about when I lost everything: here ) I have to wait 6 to 8 weeks to get my date. So I won't be working in a salon until December if I'm lucky. So much for working fast and saving money so Stephen and I can get married. I love you God, but please wake me up when this season of chaos and disappointment is over? Thanks.

August 18, 2010

23 more days to go

Just started school this week and counting down the days until I will graduate. I'm getting used to the long hours with squealing girls and the smell of perm solution again. ( I actually kind of missed the salon chaos ) I came home yesterday to find Stephen at my house with a bouquet of Mums. He sure does know how to make me feel wonderful after a stressful day. I love him so much. Just started my Beth Moore bible study tonight...awesome! Highly recommend it. Still need to get those letters in the mail. Anh and Beth, I am so sorry for my delay in my letter....please forgive me. I've been so busy lately and when I'm not, I'm falling asleep thinking of how when I get up in a few hours I'm still going to be tired. Luckily, my wearniess flutters away when I think of the clothes I'll buy once I start working in a salon and the cruise Stephen and I will go on in a couple of years. weary state of mind.

P.S I've come to really be irritated by other bloggers who don't comment back or comment even on their own blogs for that matter. ( After someone comments on their post ) I understand that when you have several comments it gets hard...but does anyone else find that a tad annoying? Sorry.

August 16, 2010

remind myself

My first day of school was today and I cried like a baby the night before and couldn't sleep. I'm going to have to get used to being at school for so long now. I've had a long luxury of being at home and spending time with my family. I need to: A) Have a positive attitude about school and remember it's only 6 weeks B)Write a letter to Anh and Beth now that I have stamps C) Start my Beth Moore bible study that I just got D ) Remind myself how wonderful my life is even though I'm not exactly where I want to be. P.S I miss summer baseball games already.




Are any of you back at school yet? How do you feel as your summer comes winding to an end? Love you girls!

P.P.S Like Che pointed out....I really have no idea why I always sit on the right of him...but I think it should be a tradition when we take baseball pictures. haha

August 13, 2010

bleh!!!

( Talking on the phone while he's at work )

(11:30pm)

Stephen: Hi honey

(1:00am)

Danica: And that's why I think bla bla bla bla bla

Stephen: I'm looking at the time sweetheart and I should get back to work.

Danica: okay

(2:00am)

Stephen: Good night, love you

Danica: Good night, love you too.

( 2:50am)

Danica: Why the heck am I still on blogspot and facebook if absolutely nothing is happening on either website?

Danica: I'm talking to myself and yea, I should probably go to bed. Good night ( or should I say good morning )

P.S Besides run on sentences....I really love "...." and "( ) ". Nothing I post on here is ever grammatically correct but it's the way I would speak in real life so I don't care. Does it bother you? haha I'm so tired.

August 12, 2010

déjà vu

I thought this was really interesting! I sometimes get déjà vu and never really understood how or why it happens. Here are some explanations of déjà vu:

Been there – done that? Maybe you haven’t, but sometimes it sure FEELS like you have.

It’s called déjà vu. And even though most people have experienced it, why it happens is still a mystery. But experts have come up with a whole slew of explanations. Here are a few, courtesy of Psychology Today.

First, some researchers think déjà vu occurs when two of the brains cognitive functions are out of sync. For example, our brain might recognize a familiar situation, but fail to remember why it’s familiar. That leads to the “I’ve been here before” feeling. But since we can’t remember the event, we think the experience is new - and chock it up to déjà vu.

Also, some experts think déjà vu is a result of not paying attention. Our brains can take in information more quickly that we can consciously register it. Then, when what’s happening around us finally registers, it feels familiar. Not because we’ve seen it before, but because we’ve already processed it on another level.

And one last déjà tidbit: It’s most common in people between the ages of 15 and 25 – when the brain is still developing.
So besides age – what makes a person more likely to experience déjà vu?

• If you have an active imagination and recall dreams easily.
• If you’re fatigued or stressed out.
• And if you have an above average education level.

These things all indicate a highly stimulated brain.

From the john tesh blog.

August 11, 2010

Drawings of Stephen & Danica

My eleven year old sister drew these. I think they are the cutest things ever! Her best friend Courtney drew one of Stephen and I dancing on the Eiffel Tower but didn't finish it...I'll post it when she's done.


This week is very busy! Going back and forth to the mechanics for Stephen's car named Alison, a super long date yesterday, going to Huntington Beach to cut my friends hair Thursday, youth group, hopefully hanging out with Che on Saturday, teaching Sunday school and then school again on Monday!!! I know you all have been busy as well!!! What's new?!
P.S I love run on sentences.

August 9, 2010

Womanly Rants, can I get an amen?

All I want is sweets, low lights and a manicure. And I shouldn't have any of them. I went to the doctors today and she has seen me struggle with this weight that refuses to come off for the past 4 years. She has now prescribed me a drug that is similar to Ali ( the weight loss diet pill ) I have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow and see if my insurance covers it and if not my doctor will try to fight it for me. Everything stupid like not liking the way anything looks, to being prideful and stating how gorgeous I am, to feeling squirmy and insecure during a sex scene in a movie.....I've been there done that. And I know I will struggle with weight for the rest of my life. But I am happy because I have a God who created my body to serve Him and a loving boyfriend who would marry me tonight if he could.

I know my wedding won't be for at least a good year, year and a half....I have plenty of time to get where I want. But for right now, I'm going to try to enjoy this season of life and enjoy the things that God has taught me. I was kinda of sad after leaving the doctor today but a simple call from Stephen made me realize that my outlook on my weight is all wrong. Sometimes guys look at us and can't even fathom why we can't understand that they love us for who we are. His phone call today helped me remember what is important. All in all, I'm mocking myself and my weight issues but at the same time rejoicing in all the positive. Sometimes as women, we just have to look at ourselves and laugh. Laugh at our earthly bodies, our hormones and our outlook and rejoice in the things that God has given us. Thank you Lord for this curvy, full body and for weaving me in the womb and calling me to be a confident beautiful woman of God. Can I get an amen?!

August 7, 2010

some things about us, in case you wanna know



Danica♥ My full name is Danica Keeley Castro.20 years old.Doing cosmetology for a living ( hopefully sooner than later ). Loves dogs and doesn't like cats. Grew up in Orange County. Mom is from Argentina. Dad is from Ecuador. And no, I don't speak Spanish because I'm lame. But Stephen is just as bad because he grew up in Hong Kong but doesn't speak that much Cantonese. I'm 5'5, cute and chubby. Light brown eyes. Dark brown hair. Loves antiques. Loves anything vintage. Loves God. Likes to sleep in late. Sings. Has tantrums. Has one sister who is almost 10 years younger. Loves baseball games. Go A's! Loves traveling and even got to go to San Francisco with Stephen. Loves Washington. Loves church. Loves Depeche Mode and Benny Goodman and everything in between. Has only a couple friends. Likes cuddling. Loves sweets. Loves Italian food. Reading. Blogging. Tea. Mail. Loves surprises. Loves Stephen.



Stephen♥ His full name is Stephen Douglas Pardini. 23 years old. Graduated from Biola December of 2009. Grew up in Hong Kong until he was 18. Loves Pick Up Stix and any form of Chinese food. Doesn't get enough sleep. Loves dogs and cats. He's 6'1 and very skinny. Blue eyes. Brown hair. Oakland A's fan to the death.Loves traveling and has been to several countries. He doesn't like sweets too much: only ice cream. Gives amazing hugs. Has two older sisters. Always holds my hand and tells me I'm beautiful every single day. Loves God. He's super smart but very humble about how smart he actually is. Laughs all the time. Has tantrums: sometimes. Speaks in dog voices...yea its cute but kind of weird. Super pale.Loves vintage. Takes me antique shopping even though its a little bit boring to him. He snores. He's thoughtful and loving. Drives too fast. Loves Washington. Currently looking into getting a better job so we can get hitched!






August 6, 2010

Royal mail

My first win of a give-a-way by lovely English blogger Minsquin! I was delighted to get a package all the way from England! I loved all my little gifts Min and thank you so much for everything! This seems silly but I was so excited to see the pound sign and to see that they write their dates differently. I will treasure these forevermore! By the way Min, the little teacup was in a bunch of pieces by the time it got to California but my crafty mother managed to glue it back together. ( In case you were wondering. ) Much Love!



August 4, 2010

praise reports of august thus far

Lucy is continuing to be a great asset to our family and has adapted quite well. I'm hoping the poop stains from time to time on my favorite pj's and jeans will stop...but it has been only a full week I believe since we've adopted her. We still can't get over how tiny she is ( compared to huge dogs we've had in the past. ) We can't stop picking her up, dressing her up and taking photos of her. I received a package from Minsquin like over a week ago and I keep forgetting to blog about it! She sent me the cutest little things and I've been wanting to share them with you! I don't even think she knows that I got it yet. haha. I should probably take a shower and get started on that.

P.S Some more exciting news! Stephen and I have some friends from college group who are looking for a new roommate. Stephen currently lives in La Marada and usually spends the night at my house because it's closer to his work and our church. We have been praying for God to open a door someplace so he could move closer. But, with that, I was concerned of whom he would be living with. ( You know young guys these days...I don't want my baby around any nonsense. ) And Praise Jesus!!! Friends of ours from college group have a small apartment in Costa Mesa!!!! We went to look at the apartment yesterday and it's perfect! Right next to all the freeways, closer to me, closer to church and close to work!!!! AND he would be living with two godly men who are a part of our church family. Can God get any cooler?! I just love when He opens doors like that...and just in the nick of time. Another praise report: My good friend Beth who has been struggling with doctors and supposed breast cancer....ended up not having the cancer gene!!!!! Amazing. I love her.

Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

August 1, 2010

some good and bad news

Some good news: Stephen has received news that the background investigator will be delayed so his background investigation is not until next week. ( Giving him more time to prepare his paperwork and what not. ) I'm not sure that the news is on the dispatch job he applied for but we'll see. Our main goal is for him to get a job with the O.C Sheriff's so keep praying! Today is also a special today because Stephen and I will be picking up his oldest sister Amy from her writing conference. She is the last of the Pardini's I need to meet so I'm excited.

The bad news though. A special family is moving in two weeks and I'm very sad that they are leaving...although they will be moving to a much bigger house in Tennessee for the kids to grow and learn. God has called the Sartain's to move and they are doing it. Jeremy ( the husband ) is the co college group pastor and he was the first one I initially met. His wife ( Carol ) is an amazing woman who's grace and strength flows out from under feet unto anyone she comes across. They have three children ( Zach, 7 ) ( Abagail, 4 ) and ( Benjamin, 2 ). I baby sat for them a couple nights ago and they are just darling. Abby prayed before we had dinner and thanked the Lord for bringing me over to the house to play. Benji rolled his eyes at Zach's endless talk about Star Wars episode God knows what. And Zach fast forwarding to all the battle scenes and asking for more chips. I'm so saddened that sometimes you get to know a family and they end up moving away. They are such a great part of Voyagers Bible Church and they will be dearly missed....especially those little Sartain squirts. Stephen and I are going to swing by their place on the 7th to help pack. I'm praying they will fulfill the duties God has called them to do in Tennessee...but I'll be thinking about them nonetheless.