June 1, 2010

Love, Danica

I can remember those moments of missing the man I didn't even know yet. I remember swinging on the swings at night and looking up at the stars; wondering when God would send him to me. The handles leaving rust on my fingers. The sand leaving my toes dry and rough. I wondered if he ever thought of me, if he wondered what I looked like. A sharp pain of the reality of being alone but a fierce hope that someday, someday I would meet him. His eyes would be blue like my grandfather's and I would fall in love. A fierce hope and a violent love for the man I did not know.
I would go back up stairs and watch the trees as they sway back and forth outside my window. I pictured him in the backyard throwing rocks at my window and whispering my name as to not wake up my parents.
I fall asleep dreaming of a simple house in Washington, my kids screaming, dogs barking and the smell of coffee mixed with cold mountain air. I dream about him sitting at the table paying bills. I dream about us sitting down talking over someone's bad report card. I found myself dreaming of things that were ordinary and mundane. Dreaming of things that would eventually become routine. I've always been a simple girl with a complicated heart and I never understood why I dreamt of him so until now.

I wake up suddenly. Maybe around 3 o'clock in the morning. I get this sudden urge to write. I get up out of bed and I sit at my desk glancing once again at the trees outside that beckon. I take out a sheet of paper quietly and I begin to write.
It starts with, "My husband, " and ends with , "I love you. Love, Danica" I understood that I could start loving him now and that I could write to him...to make me feel positive that he was really out there. Breathing, thinking and feeling just as I. I spoke of how I was doing and that I wondered where he was at that moment.

I dated it. I folded it into 4. I sealed it with a kiss and stuck it in my desk drawer. I crawled back into bed and began to cry. Over the course of several months...I've written to him. Saying...one day...you'll read this and probably laugh. You will see that I loved you before I met you. I always pictured it happening a certain way. I imagined how things would fall into place. I pictured the reality of seeing him and just knowing. I saw his goofy and genuine smile one night in January. His presence sent an instant warmth and comfort through out my whole body. I don't need to write those letters anymore. I've found him.

P.S If you are reading right now...please understand that I try my best to love you like He does. You don't know how thankful I am for everything that you do for me. I praise God everyday for your patience, your kindness, your love for Him and more importantly...your love for me. I'm amazed at God's hand and mercy in our love story so far and it makes me smile to know He will continue to bless us. I love seeing this progress and I love seeing your smile everyday that made me fall in love with you from the beginning. You are an amazing man of God and you have blessed me tremendously.

13 comments:

  1. this was so gorgeous my heart almost exploded. sigh...

    in response to your comment... HAHAHAHA. okay, SO... funny you mentioned that. i decided to try a "read more" code for when i post a lot of photos, because people freak out that my blog gets really slow (seriously, i get frantic emails... I KNOW. crazy people), so i decided to added a special read more thing (for some reason blogger's new "jump break" button has problems sometimes)... but for some reason it puts that on ALL of my posts, not just the ones i want to shorten... and i even tried taking the code out TWICE yesterday but it's STILL doing it!! what the crap? make it stop. i've tried everything. i'm so irritated about it. hahaha! so just ignore that until i figure out how to get rid of it. hehe. ;) but seriously - dumb.

    XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

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  2. so beautiful, you brought a tear to my eye and warmed my heart.
    simply lovely x

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  3. This is such a beautiful post and I am so extremely happy for you. I wish you the most amazing summer you've had so far, but of course hope that the ones after that will be even better.

    On a different note. After about two months Lisa Mitchell's cd finally made it to me a few weeks back and I've been enjoying it very much. I'm so glad you mentioned her in that post.

    Have a great day!

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  4. Your blog is lovely! I like everything but especially the photos.

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  5. beautiful! I think it sums up a lot of emotion and feelings

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  6. awww, how sweet and heartfelt :)
    I'm so glad you enjoyed the ballet video I posted.

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  7. whoops, sorry for leaving a comment above from my other google account, you probably don't know who the comment was from :)

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  8. A very beautiful post. I'm very happy for you.

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  9. hehe because my dear, it's my favourite bookstore back home :)

    oh your blogs get prettier by the day! darling, i didn't know you live in seattle...i'm so near and i've been meaning to go..

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  10. Oh, how you bring tears to my eyes! This post is just so darling.. It's like a fairytale, but it's actually coming true for you! I am so happy for you; words can't even describe it! :) In fact, this post reminds me of the song "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble.. Have you ever heard it before? It's quite the darling song, actually..

    I am so excited it's summer! But I wish the sun would actually come out and truly become summer! I live in California, and grey rain clouds cover my head right now.. I signed up for a chemistry class, and I'm slightly nervous because I don't know what to expect.. Chemistry was never my best subject, but we shall see how it goes!

    I am hoping to get more into photography and explore the area I live in.. I want to be more adventurous with picture-taking.. It's something that I have been inspired by with all of you lovely blogger friends. :)

    And thanks, as always, for your dear comment. You always bring a smile to my face with your warmth and genuine companionship. May our friendship never cease to grow stronger! :)

    Always,
    Anh.

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  11. well "back home" is malaysia. i'm back in vancouver now. seattle? hihi- because your profile location says seattle! :)

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  12. Oh my sweet Danica, I am so glad I was not the only little girl to do such a thing. :)
    I am so blessed to have you as a friend; reading this gives me so much hope. You are so blessed and are blessing others by sharing your beautiful soul with us here.
    I love you so very much.

    -Ellie

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