June 25, 2010

Left My Heart in San Francisco


I just got back from my trip up North with my boyfriend's family. :) They really loved me ( especially his mom ) Hooray! I had an amazing time and I learned a lot about his family and I really enjoyed being with them. I got some pictures of Stephen when he was a child that his mother gave me to keep. So adorable! Going on this trip was so worth not registering for school this summer. Stephen and I got a lot closer this week because we got to see how we are in different locations and atmospheres.

How we get around together, deciding on what to do and how to manage our trip was very fun and gave me more confirmation that he is indeed the one. Our travels were very successful....only once did we get in a little trouble with a shuttle...which we accidentally went around on twice. haha. BUT...it was our very first trip together and no trip is complete without a slight accident turning into an adventure.



If you would like to see the whole album...take a look: HERE.

June 24, 2010

My Little Sister's Blog

My sister has been inspired to write a blog and it is my pleasure to announce.... TAZZIE!!!!! She is eleven years old and loves just about everything I love....she is a great writer, a beautiful girl and a smart cookie all in one. Please follow her!!!

My sister Tasmin's blog: Tazzie

June 19, 2010

road trip


As you all know I am going to San Francisco tomorrow!!! I just finished packing except my jeans which are being washed because every girl likes freshly washed jeans! Am I right? I love any excuse to use my Frank Sinatra suitcase ( I will post about my packing endeavors later ) and I should be sleeping right now but I can never sleep before a trip. I always get so nervous and excited that I can't filter my thoughts and emotions all the way through. San Francisco always had a piece of my heart since the first day I visited as a kid. I remember the very first "Build A Bear" and having Clam Chowder at Fisherman's Wharf and enjoying chocolate covered raisins on the trolley. I'm excited to go to one of my favorite cities with the man I love! But...on the nervous note....I'm very nervous about meeting his parents. I hope they think I'm lovely!

June 17, 2010

rich

Money. Money. Money. Makes the world go round. My life these past few days has been all about not having money. I have to beg for it. My parents argue about money. Dad didn't put any money on the card therefor we can't get toilet paper. I now have my boyfriend stressing out over student loans and recently spent 300 dollars in 5 days. ( Which is my fault ). I envy people who have their life made out because they come from rich families and they can go to Paris for a month and not give a damn. I can't do a lot of things that I'd like to because of money. I wonder what it feels like to not have to look at prices or to just get what you need instead of contemplating whether or not you really need conditioner. And yet, here I am on my arse wishing I had money and my eleven year old sister is outside selling lemonade. Six bucks is more than I have darling.

June 14, 2010

The Real Meaning

He helps me understand you more. He helps me want to love and know you more. Once insecure and selfish; I've found delight in your love and amazement at what you've given me. I always thought that I wouldn't meet anyone until I was as thin as I was in High School. And...ironically...I meet him at my biggest and we fall in love. It proves to me that he loves me for who I am. It proves to me how silly I am and now...I'm going to be trying to get back down but this time it is for me. Not anyone else. I feel motivated to lose again and I'm ready now; because I have finally put to death this battle and I'm tired of my sinful, selfish behavior regarding my weight. I have it too good to complain. I have a godly man who adores me ( even at my biggest ) and has already bought me a ring. If that's not enough confirmation than I don't know what is. Thank you Lord for everything you've blessed me with this week. Ive learned a lot. I'm going to be doing Weight Watchers ( my cousin Michelle and Angie lost a lot with this program ) I'm going to be working out and every day...I'm going to stand in front of my mirror...naked and bare and tell myself I have a beautiful and sexy body until I believe it. haha.


And thank you Ellie. I wouldn't have come out of this battle as fast if it wasn't for you. You are one of my best friends and I love how you are such an encouragement to me. You are an inspiration and I can only pray that we stay friends forever. I know every woman goes through times when she is not fond of her body but you really reminded me of what God says about our bodies. To worry about these things are so silly and I'm glad I have a friend like you. Love you!

June 13, 2010

Ooh La La


The cloud of stubbornness, frustration and pessimism has drifted it's way past me and shouldn't come back for awhile ( I hope. ) I always have at least one huge tantrum once in awhile and then I see the silver lining and then everything is all better. I know it seems childish to have these meltdowns were you are angry at yourself or annoyed at the world....but I find these tantrums rewarding in a lot of ways. First: It reminds me that although 20...I can still have my moments of acting like a child which is freeing for my soul. Second: I always learn something new about myself whether that be good or bad. And Third: I always end up being thankful for what I have in my life and who I have in my life; for they are the only people who gladly put up with me. So now that the cloud has gone....it should be a nice little walk through the forest.
Apr├Ęs la pluie, le beau temps.

June 10, 2010

June 8, 2010

Square One

Overwhelming.
Ever have a time when you are so anxious and tormented by your own self that you want to scream? Yet, with all this tension within my own mind...I have this glimmer of hope when I imagine myself the way I wish I was. And after a split second of hope...my sinful nature brings me back to no motivation. Square one. Why can't we ever see ourselves the way others see us?

June 6, 2010

Give-A-Way?

Okay my darlings....I need to just laugh at myself for a moment because I just figured out how to get the white middle. It wasn't that hard at all but I get so easily frustrated when something doesn't come right away. Maybe because I'm human? Anyways, I've been toying with the idea of doing my very first give-a-way when I reach 100 followers. I have 95 so far but I don't believe the amount of followers you have means anything so as soon as I can get a prize I will be holding one! I see how much fun they've been and I would love to give back something to you all...or one. haha.
Can you give me some ideas as to what you would be interested in for the give-a-way item(s)?

oh brother

I'm afraid I am slightly frustrated by the looks of my blog. I've had a couple friends from blogland help me with the layout and what not. Krissie helped me get the layout where it is white in the middle and whatever color you like on the outside. Kelly managed to put a cute font as my blog title and I somehow deleted that as well. I used to love my three column layout but can't seem to figure it out again. I try to save my different layouts but when I go back to my email to retrieve them...they are all not copied correctly! So when I paste it into my "edit html" it doesn't let me save the template. This is all so frustrating because I like changing my blog around but I can never seem to remember what I need to change. Sheesh, I have a headache. All I want is the white middle, color background and three column. This is one html challenged girl that has been defeated. Once again.

June 4, 2010

Sea Foam


A low line of shore was visible at first on the right between the movement of the waves and fog, but when we came further it was lost sight of, and nothing could be seen but the mist curling in the rigging, and a small circle of foam. -John Millington Synge

June 1, 2010

Love, Danica

I can remember those moments of missing the man I didn't even know yet. I remember swinging on the swings at night and looking up at the stars; wondering when God would send him to me. The handles leaving rust on my fingers. The sand leaving my toes dry and rough. I wondered if he ever thought of me, if he wondered what I looked like. A sharp pain of the reality of being alone but a fierce hope that someday, someday I would meet him. His eyes would be blue like my grandfather's and I would fall in love. A fierce hope and a violent love for the man I did not know.
I would go back up stairs and watch the trees as they sway back and forth outside my window. I pictured him in the backyard throwing rocks at my window and whispering my name as to not wake up my parents.
I fall asleep dreaming of a simple house in Washington, my kids screaming, dogs barking and the smell of coffee mixed with cold mountain air. I dream about him sitting at the table paying bills. I dream about us sitting down talking over someone's bad report card. I found myself dreaming of things that were ordinary and mundane. Dreaming of things that would eventually become routine. I've always been a simple girl with a complicated heart and I never understood why I dreamt of him so until now.

I wake up suddenly. Maybe around 3 o'clock in the morning. I get this sudden urge to write. I get up out of bed and I sit at my desk glancing once again at the trees outside that beckon. I take out a sheet of paper quietly and I begin to write.
It starts with, "My husband, " and ends with , "I love you. Love, Danica" I understood that I could start loving him now and that I could write to him...to make me feel positive that he was really out there. Breathing, thinking and feeling just as I. I spoke of how I was doing and that I wondered where he was at that moment.

I dated it. I folded it into 4. I sealed it with a kiss and stuck it in my desk drawer. I crawled back into bed and began to cry. Over the course of several months...I've written to him. Saying...one day...you'll read this and probably laugh. You will see that I loved you before I met you. I always pictured it happening a certain way. I imagined how things would fall into place. I pictured the reality of seeing him and just knowing. I saw his goofy and genuine smile one night in January. His presence sent an instant warmth and comfort through out my whole body. I don't need to write those letters anymore. I've found him.

P.S If you are reading right now...please understand that I try my best to love you like He does. You don't know how thankful I am for everything that you do for me. I praise God everyday for your patience, your kindness, your love for Him and more importantly...your love for me. I'm amazed at God's hand and mercy in our love story so far and it makes me smile to know He will continue to bless us. I love seeing this progress and I love seeing your smile everyday that made me fall in love with you from the beginning. You are an amazing man of God and you have blessed me tremendously.

I came to your party



I came to your party dressed as a shadow and you never knew, you never knew. I rolled through the halls like a velvet wave, as quiet as an empty stage. I blackened your eyes and stole the light from your glass. But in the cold calm of the morning, lay like a death-kite on your lawn.

I came to your party dressed as a shadow, without invitation, without a motive
I parked three streets from the moonlight - the soft walk to your house on a silver string. You were dancing in the backyard to a biscuit-tin beat.

I slunk between the notes, posting them off to the night. This is symptomatic of you and me : i have jars full of your breath.I have shelves of your words but you have nothing of me but a space where i would be.

Lyrics from Piano Magic.