February 27, 2010

deep in thought


Lately I have been staring at the trees outside my window and just letting my mind take me away. I have to fight a bloody and breathless fight to get her back to earth and back to where I really am. Sometimes I cry a lot for people that I know don't exist yet and for the things that I know I will have someday but I won't be satisfied with. I get gut feelings, I get moody, I get bursts of joy and I get crafty. I think about all the people that have seen my face; all the people that have come in and out of my life like trains zooming by.

I can't help but wonder if they think my soul or my face is beautiful first. I wonder if I've really touched someone or left someone wondering about me in turn. I want a perfect body and I don't think I"ll meet my soul mate until I transform; I know thats a very sad thought but I know its true. I can't count how many times men could easily spend the rest of their lives with me but cower in response to my body. I cry for the things I know I will never have and I find myself clinging to dreams, hopes and wishes. Like I always have. Nothing is real to me unless I take a photograph or jot it down. I savor ever smell, emotion and breath of life I get.

I savor everything and I make reels of film in my heart that I watch all the time. My lonelyess comes in waves...sometimes violent and sometimes quiet. God has given me a tremendous romantic and sensitive heart. Where to use it? How? He has given me such strong desires to get married but no motivation to transform. I have my career set at 20 years old, I've found a home and yet I feel restless, why? Why do I feel like I need to be doing something different? Time is so rough on me. She doesn't stop for those tears that she causes.

February 26, 2010

Happy Friday

I would just love to talk or read over tea with lace, cakes and sandwiches.

I would also love to lay and giggle in the grass...but of course not stay too long because of the bugs.

and I would also like to explore an empty house with old paintings and artifacts from the past.

I'm so happy its finally Friday! I haven't made a post in a few days ( which is a lot for me ). My grandmothers computer won't let me do anything on blogspot and I feel like I'm in a glass door tapping to you guys trying to comment and interact but I can't. haha. Hope your weeks were all lovely.

February 21, 2010

dust particles

Have you ever noticed how beautiful dust particles look as if they are souls flying towards heaven? Have you ever pinned your hopes on a prince charming and never really took it down? Have you ever felt a glorious warmth in your stomach...telling you something good is about to take place?
That's how I feel right now. I've never felt this feeling before. This feeling of knowing or at least thinking I know. Maybe knowing who I'm meant to be with. Why I'm here at this very moment. I must sound so confusing right now but it is 12:36 a.m and your mind gets the best of you at these late hours. If only I wasn't deep in thought on a school night, figures, right?

P.S This was an old photograph I took in Washington. I don't even remember where that was. But it seems to fit the way I'm feeling.

P.P.S Post soon to come about all the cute things I got for my 20th birthday.

February 20, 2010

letters from near and wide

I've gotten so many letters lately and it brings me so much joy. I love the anticipation and the delight of words just for you. It's personal, sincere and magical.

I used to keep my grandmother's gold necklace and bracelet in this box but now I shall keep all my letters in it.
Let me know if you would like to join in on the letter writing extravaganza!

happy birthday to me!

Today at 9:30 p.m I will be 20 years young. I'm usually a little bit melancholy and confused when it comes time around my birthday...but not this year. I'm not sure if it's because it's my golden birthday this year but I'm very hopeful about it. I know where I'm going in my life but for the first time in a long time I feel no fear of the unknown. I have been going out to dinner a lot but today I hope to just rest at home and think about all the years that I lived. ( which isn't too many at all I suppose to most people ) If I could have a birthday wish...it would be to walk around mountain tops and countrysides and just ponder upon how beautiful this world is. I would love to lay down on the grass and look up at the stars and feel so small and only 20. I'm going to have a marvelous year.

P.S Happy birthday to Justelle from Elle's Journal.

P.P.S I have made my wish Olivia.

Bla bla

I think I have A.D.D when it comes to editing my blog. I'm sure your sick of seeing the layout change all the time. I've been very indecisive latley.

February 19, 2010

birthday in beauty school

Cupcakes they made me for my birthday.
The girls decorated my station!

I had a super fun day with my friends from school. They are so sweet and loving. It's amazing how close you can get to someone in only a year.

P.S I received three letters today from friends! That always brightens my day. I'm in such a good mood for my birthday! Well, it is my golden birthday this year...20 on the 20th!

Sand artist


This amazing artist makes you cry. I sure did. Please watch this video. It will inspire.
Have you girls been inspired by anything lately?

February 17, 2010

Soft kiss

Now a soft kiss - Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss.
John Keats




February 15, 2010

in the wood one night



My favorite night gown with the lavender lace now had a hole in it from wearing it so much. I did one final spin before momma made me throw it out. At least thats what momma thinks. One night I went out into the forest with it not knowing exactly why I was going. I brought my favorite book just in case I got scared. Only a few feet into the wood something spooked me. I jumped. I ran home as fast as I could not caring if my gown got dirty. The branches grabbed at me as if trying to make me stay. I dropped my book that night. I came back the next morning and it was gone. I wonder where it could have gone.

February 14, 2010

marvelous things

I have been enjoying my four day weekend to it's fullest. I have had the pleasure of finishing the scarf I started more than 4 months ago, more reading and more family time. I adore it. I have even more letters to write, my room to clean and my uniform to wash. Busy, busy, busy!! And I have decided that I will do a give-a-way once I hit 100 followers. haha I don't think it will happen that fast..but 60 just seems too close. Anyways, I hope you ladies have a wonderful Valentines Day Weekend.

A little Valentines Day treat for you: A page out of an old Richard Scarry book from when I was a child.

I love you all and I can't wait to hear about your Valentine's Day! How was it?

February 13, 2010

bright star




"When I don't hear from him, it's as if I've died. As if the air is sucked out from my lungs and I'm left desolate; but when I receive a letter I know our world is real. It's the one I care for. "

Another magical video

vi
another magically cute video.

P.S. Should I do a give-a-way if I hit up to 60 followers? Any Ideas?

February 12, 2010

Ghosts





I'm home alone and the dogs are usually with me but they are in dreamland, waiting for me. This house is old. Very old. These old walls have many secrets but they don't talk too often. Every little thing creaks and cries. Especially upstairs. When someone is upstairs you can here their footsteps and the creaking. I heard them just now. I thought it was my dog because he as as large as a human. I walk upstairs slowly and soon to my surprise...Brawley is not up there..he is sleeping downstairs.
Could this be the old house contracting and expanding? Or something that far surpasses the mind. I feel like a tired old woman.

February 10, 2010

Running

"I don't even know what I was running for- I guess I just felt like it."

February 9, 2010

i'll find my soul as i go home


I'm just a tad bit sad. I can't help but listen to songs that remind me of the old days when I was beautiful and in love. When I would fall in love it would be hard, rough and fun. I wanted to be in love for the sake of being in love. Every day was a movie and every thing I saw was shot on film. I was so dramatic and raw. My life was like The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink. I was in those films and so was everyone around me. I was full of confident energy that only knew how to escape by dancing and acting out. Kissing by my locker, late night phone calls, hanging out with friends on the bleachers pretending to be outcasts, late home work assignments and walking so tall you thought the world would collapse under your feet. Wandering through the halls and people watching. Wondering who's heart got broken that day, where they were from and where they were going. I would wonder if they would remember this place, if they would remember me. They said these years would be the best of your lives; to savor every moment. Well, I did.

"Tonight I think I'll walk alone, I"ll find my soul as I go home."

February 8, 2010

i feel pretty

Well, I have been in a "pretty pink" mood lately. I've been loving frilly, soft, feminine and pink clothes and house decor. So I decided to share with you some pretty and pink things that I hope you enjoy.











P.S I got these photos a very long time ago so I'm not sure where they are from.

good morning



"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

- C.S. Lewis

February 7, 2010

do you have a dollar for me?



( This video is dedicated to kelly ann )
This coin laundry video makes me feel so cute and frilly you don't even know. I feel like whenever I meet a boy I'm invisible and the washer is my heart where I store little trinkets and trophies of the boys I've liked for safe keeping. I love Lisa Mitchell.

Can any of you relate to this little gem?

February 6, 2010

Rainbows


Rainbow outside my house this evening. Timeless bookstores and the feeling of running into your soul mate at any minute; looking in the same section and catching your eye. Going to the movies when it only costs a dollar and smiling as the man in the hot dog costume goes down the aisle. Dancing. All the children in their puffy coats and the high school couple giggling and insure. I love rainy days, cozy bookstores and dollar theaters.
I'd like to call it another diamond day...as I like to say.

February 5, 2010

ella, ella

"A tinkling piano in the next apartment, Those stumbling words that told you what my heart meant, A fairground's painted swings...These foolish things remind me of you."

Driving home today in the rain and listening to Ella Fitzgerald is the few simple things in life that really make my heart soar. I complain sometimes about not having a boyfriend...but unless he can appreciate how beautiful rain looks when it slides down the window, how gorgeous the gray hue looks over the city and Ella's voice hitting your heart at the right time.....I'm better off alone.

February 3, 2010

inside the grandfather clock




Old grandfather clock went tick, tock. Like water dripping on coral rock...tick, tock.

February 1, 2010

clarity


This video is absolutely stunning to me in every way, shape and form. It gives me hope that the small things in life really do make us more happy than anything. Her feet touching the water, the ice cream cone and the lace. Just stunning. It also inspires me to let life go sometimes and just let your worries be a thing of the past. This is definitely a great video to watch if you are in a bad mood or frustrated. This peaceful little gem is now my favorite video. Hope it does the same for you.

♥ By the way..The song is called "Swallow Song" by Vashti Bunyan. She was an old folk singer.

P.S I can't believe it is already February!!! I will be 20 in 19 more days!! Hooray!!!