January 21, 2010

the never ending battle

First of all...I can't believe that I have 29 followers. I made this blog to get my creative juices flowing again and something to do when I was bored. But to my surprise I've not only been more creative but I've come out with a few friends that I really love! So: I'm having a little issue right now with some motivation.

I've been overweight since I can remember. I was always the pretty chubby girl in school and always had friends but didn't really see that I was chubby until later on in life. I was probably over 200 pounds in Junior High and I thinned a lot in High School. I look at pictures of myself in early High School and thank God for how far I've come but I also look at pictures of me later in High School and think, "dang! i look really gorgeous!'. "I DO look so much prettier when I'm thinner." These thoughts are motivating yet discouraging. Since I've started beauty school I've put most of the weight back on. ( no P.E, no cute guys or girls to impress and no time ). Another thing is...I want to loose weight again to make me happy and my life easier but at the same time I'm stubborn and don't want to loose because I know the attention I get. Guys liked me more in High School because I was thinner and the stubborn part of me won't loose because I want someone who will love me if I'm big or small. You know? Maybe you guys can share some positive thoughts or give me some motivation to start loosing again! I don't want to waste my roaring 20's soon to come!!! I don't know when I can fit a workout in my schedule and it gets rather difficult to keep going. Any ideas, words? As you will see in some of these photos my body has gone through hell going small and then big, small and then big. I need to do this.

maybe 9th grade

11th grade

12 grade

now: and looking like when I started.

This makes me really sad.

p.s I just noticed that in all the pictures I chose to show you girls...I'm wearing a floral print in every single one. haha. That made me smile.


  1. you are cute and so is your blog! it's like candy to me.

    XXX, Kim

  2. you are so beautiful, on the inside and out, and you look so lovely that you kind of have that special glow about you <3

    i love love love the floral prints :)


  3. first of all dear, you are beautiful no matter what your size & you look wonderful in every single one of these photographs. & not only that, but God created you as His beautiful princess. & He thinks you are truly stunning. I know that for a fact.

    Now, I know for myself, it's not so much about size as it is about being healthy. I try my best to cut out sugars and too much breads and stuff like that and try to make healthier choices. And you'd never know the difference that cutting out sugary drinks, especially sodas, can make.

    as for exercise, it doesn't need to be some elaborate class or anything- although those are quite fun sometimes. have someone go on a mile or two walk every day. going on a walk every day for me really, really helps.


  4. krissie you are so sweet. i love you. and you are so right about everything you said. God made me in His own image and He thinks I'm beautiful so I should too. I was so work out crazed in high school but now with my schedule I'm going to at least make an effort and walk as much as i can and cut out sugar.
    sugar is my idol i tell you!@!! haha it really ruins me. haha
    thank you for all your kind words ladies.

  5. you have the most gorgeous smile, lips, skin and shiny hair. you really are beautiful but i know how you feel - i'm not overweight, but i'm pretty much just skin, fat and bone. i have no toned muscles to be proud of because i'm far too lazy do do any working out. if it's motivation or advice you're after, all i can offer is the way i lose weight quickly, and that's by strict dieting and calorie counting (because i'd rather fast for a week than exercise for half an hour to shift a couple of pounds, i'm that lazy!).
    i'm lucky enough to have a boyfriend who grabs my 'flab' and just smiles at me lovingly about it, and pouts when he's noticed i've lost any 'curve', so rest assured that those boys do exist and are the ones worth waiting for.


  6. thank you Michelle. i don't think i could fast though haha. if i don't have food my claws come out. and i'm very active at school full time...if i didn't eat anything i might kill my clients. haha

    in high school i could...that's how i got so much thinner. i need to start by being more positive too.

  7. krissie seriously said it so beautifully and SO perfectly. you are a beautiful angel no matter what!

    this is long, i'm really sorry ;P
    here are some things i do to stay healthy - this is what my body responds to, everyone is different. but maybe it will give you some ideas: i'm hypoglycemic, so instead of eating 2 or 3 large meals a day, i spread them out and eat about 5 small meals. i loooove chocolate, LOVElovelove. but honestly, i don't eat a lot of sweets. my body just doesn't like it. and i don't mind... i'm the type that eats half a cookie and saves rest for later. and i'm not a big milk chocolate fan, i prefer dark chocolate. i tend to eat a small piece of dark chocolate every couple of days (or if i happen to get a craving for something), and that's enough for me. plus, dark chocolate has lots of antioxidants in it! i only drink soda about twice a month, if that. i do drink coffee everyday but it's organic coffee, and i use half & half which is healthier than cream. my mom works in nutrition & holistic medicine, so we've always eaten a lot of fruits and veggies and a lot of organic foods. i've been a vegetable lover my whole life, i can never get enough! one thing i've never done is cut out meats. i eat mostly chicken anyway, but the studies my mom has done on what vegetarianism and veganism can do to your body is kind of scary. (not to say people who do this are wrong)

    the biggest thing... i don't diet. never have, never will. i experiment a lot with different foods and see how my body reponds. did it make me feel sluggish? did it make me feel sick? did i get a headache from it? i don't deprive my body, i listen to it. my motto is "everything in moderation" and i only eat until i'm satisfied. i'm a former dancer, so i dance around my room a lot which believe it or not burns a lot of calories. ;) i do yoga sometimes. i ride my bike. walk my dog. and i also LOVE my elliptical machine in the garage, it works so much better than a treadmill. if i don't make exercising a chore, than i actually want to do it. i actually become kind of addicted! my absolute favorite workout, believe it or not, is this video series called turbo jam. it's a mixture of dance, martial arts, and kickboxing - i'm sure you've seen the infomercial. :P i never ever believe infomercials, but i tried turbo jam over 3 years ago and have used it ever since. plus, my favorite video out of the series is only 20 minutes! and it WORKS. and it's FUN. and it goes by really fast. i prefer it over a gym any day. i do that video with the turbo weighted gloves... perfection. i love it and recommend it to everyone! :)

    soooo so so sorry this is so long. i'm a talker. ;) just know, no matter what... you are beautiful. always. <3

  8. kelly- I'm a talker as well. I've actually be practicing how to keep things shorter. haha

    But I want you to know what I really appreciate all your words. It means a lot..it really does. Thank you for sharing what you do and I have taken a lot of what you said to heart. I like that your moto is moderation and not starving yourself. haha and exercise at least 20-30 min a day. that is the the healthy way to stay fit ( or loose in my case ). it sounds sooo easy but for me its so hard to stay motivated. maybe you can pray that I will get and stay motivated. it would be much appreciated. love you girl!

  9. motivation can be really hard, believe me. i totally understand! i am praying for you, dear, that the heavens pour motivation and strength upon you! :) <3